Monday, June 21, 2010

And introducing a Sweet Bitch of the Week.

I thought that maybe, to stop this blog becoming a ceaseless barrage of negativity, that maybe I should talk sometimes about stuff that doesn't offend me. I realised the other day over a honey cake with my friend Sarah that I no longer read Go Fug Yourself every day any more. This hasn't been a deliberate I-will-shun-you-for-your-offensive-comments cold turkey, because I do still find the Go Fug Yourself girls really funny and I really like it when they talk about the Babysitters Club or ice skating. Or at least, I like it when they talk about the Babysitters Club when I am in a light hearted mood and their insidious slut shaming is less likely to get to me. Which probably means at about 8.05am after I have just got to work, but still haven't actually done any work yet. But when I was talking to Sarah about Go Fug Yourself and their creativity-crippling panning of celebs, she used the words 'constant barrage of negativity' to describe the website. And over that delicious honey cake and my prematurely middle aged glass of sherry, I had a hallelujah moment. I realised that this was why I had stopped reading so often, and why their website had lazily slid down the list of my Google Chrome Most Visited Sites. Because I know that when I go there it will say Put Some Pants On, blah Boobs Legsly, blah Jumpsuits Are Ugly, blah Coffee Filters, blah Well Played Bronzed Looking Girl in the Inoffensive Mini Dress and Expensive Shoes, with a Hint of Peach Lipstick. Blah. And while the Go Fug Yourself girls live a life that I can only dream about, a life of tapping on their laptops and talking about celebrities and drinking Diet Coke, I don't want to be that negative. Or at least, I want to try to not be that negative.

So I thought that maybe I could introduce some kind Sweet Bitch of the Week regular segment. Where I could lazily write up a post about someone I really like, and who doesn't offend me. A time for some unadulterated positivity. And I thought that I would start with April Flores, a porn star who performs under the stage name Fatty D, and a woman who makes me grin from ear to ear.

I basically think that April is really excellent. She has questioned American Apparel for not offering plus size clothing, and she gives a damn good Jezebel interview about it. She is also a savvy business lady, talking in that interview about her plans for a plus size clothing line and her range of Cyberskin masturbator pussies, US $200 replicas of her own genitalia. These pussies inspired an awesome and insane sounding art project, the April Flores Toy Show, where people painted designs on the vadge moulds. There are some pictures in this gallery here, and if you have ever wanted to look at a pussy toy painted with psychedelic cats now is your chance. Basically, great. If you want even more reasons to love her, she participates in some this-is-so-amazingly-sex-positive-why-the-fuck-am-I-still-living-in-Wellington events, like the Center for Sex and Culture Annual Masturbate-a-thon in Portland. I seriously need to get out of here, that shit won't be happening in Manners Mall anytime soon. Definitely not at the moment, with all the bus lane digging and what not. April also interviews so eloquently and intelligently about weight and body image and feminism and the sex industry. I have a not so secret and seriously throbbing crush on her and think she is a mega babe, and I desperately want to take her out for a whiskey and pick every bit of her well spoken brains. She is an amazing porn star, who is effing good at her job and she oozes confidence and agency. Seriously, how good does this sound? (Taken from that Jezebel interview again, seriously, go and read it.

Any last words?
I am currently interviewing my friends for a documentary I am directing calledThe Women I Know. I am doing this documentary because some of the most interesting, genuine, sincere, driven women I have met have also been adult performers and/or working in the sex industry. I am so tired of people recycling old ideas and projecting their opinions on why they think we choose sex work. I have read countless opinions about our lives and what people think our motivations are. They often create these false views on us which are judgmental and entirely inaccurate. We are not victims; we are doing this by choice and having a whole lot of fun while doing it. We are not damaged or unambitious or destroying our lives. We are defining and in control of our sexuality in our own terms.

For those who are crushing, or those who want to read some more excellent interviews, there are both words and pictures at this Bizarre photo shoot, and this one.


And April, if you ever read this, call me. You are one hell of a Sweet Bitch of the Week. I feel about you how that dude in Love Actually who holds up all the signs feels about Keira Knightley.

love actually


  1. I farkin love you Ally Garrett.
    xoxo Jean

  2. Thank you SO MUCH for your kind and flattering words!! I would love to call you to thank you in person, but I don't have your number. ;) Hopefully one day when I make it down New Zealand we can hang out and drink Scotch. I am so happy that I don't offend you. What you said about the girls over at Go Fug Yourself is super funny! To me you are perfect too!!! xoxo April Flores

  3. Um, swoon. Thank you for YOUR kind words and I am totally looking forward to the scotch!

  4. Hey Ally, Mothla gave me the link to your blog, AND IT IS SO GOOD.